*grovel, grovel, plead, plead*

hi there, internetz...i have lots of stuff to say...no, no, no, take your hands off of your ears, i won't be saying much of any of that today. no, today i have a shameless plea. listening again? groovy...

pretty please with sugar on top, go here and vote for my dog's picture? i'll be ever so grateful, and i'll even dig out a working camera - if one can be found here - and show you a picture of my prize if i'm fortunate enough to get enough folks to vote for us...well, that is jumping the gun quite a bit, i admit, but hey...power of positive thinking, right?

thanks much, internetz! *smooches*

when good ideas take that wrong turn...

i should know better. truly. every now and then, i get a fantastic idea and then my tiny voice (eh, or voices. whatever.) says, but wait....it would be so much better if we did this. c'mon, do it!!!

this time it started with pork chops and slow cooking them, then shredding them, dousing it all in some lovely barbecue sauce, and narfing them down with hubby for dinner. then those blasted creative juices started firing off. waaaait...there's that can of pickled jalapeno peppers in the pantry that you've been shuffling around for months now. what would happen if we drained that, threw in a can of diced tomatoes and their juice, and let everything simmer a bit??

you'll singe the fuck out of your mouth just from the fumes, that's what'll happen. dumbass.

it wasn't a total loss. i learned all kinds of nifty things from the internet about what will help cut the fire out of a spicy dish. never got everything to die off completely, but there was *significant* improvement.

the resulting hot mess (and i mean that in every way that you could possibly interpret that phrase) was served over rice and was edible. and i'm just now getting the feeling back in my lips and tongue. j luckily is much fonder of the spicy foods than i am, and he proclaimed it to be yummy, if a bit still on the spicy side.

me 'n my bright ideas...

also. if anyone ever tells you that it's easy to rinse hellfire off of shredded pork to rescue it? they're totally lying.

codependent crazies

there are a metric ton of definitions for codependency on the interwebz, ranging from being an alcoholic's or an addict's loved one all the way up to having unhealthy boundaries and poor coping skills. one i tend to agree with the most i found at all about counseling, to wit:

...a set of *maladaptive, *compulsive behaviors learned by family members in order to survive in a family which is experiencing *great emotional pain and stress.

*maladaptive - inability for a person to develop behaviors which get needs met.

*compulsive - psychological state where a person acts against their own will or conscious desires in which to behave.

*sources of great emotional pain and stress - chemical dependency; chronic mental illness; chronic physical illness; physical abuse; sexual abuse; emotional abuse; divorce; hypercritical or non-loving environment.

as the codependent daughter of a codependent daughter of several codependents, it's safe to say i've danced with what brung me, if you will. i won't go the route of blaming my childhood, but these patterns certainly developed at an early age. looking back, i can remember situations where i needed to be codependent in order to cope and, ironically, stay sane. i say "ironically" because these are the same coping skills that are driving me batshit now.

one of the things that challenges me the most as i work through my codependency issues - and there are many - is the fact that the actions of other people are not my responsibility or my problem, and that the consequences that they must face for their actions are just that. the consequences that they must face.

it is such a fine line for me to cross over from taking care of my family and loved ones to getting into a dangerous caretaking mindset. (by caretaking, i refer specifically to more of the controlling aspects of codependence, notably: believing, however subconsciously, that most other people are incapable of taking care of themselves and must be looked after; becoming resentful when others will not let me help them; offering advice and directions without being asked; etc...) j has more than once turned to me during one of my "overly helpful" moments to remind me that he is not a 4 year old and is perfectly capable of performing whatever activity he is engaged in. and he is. i'm the one with the issue.

one of my goals for this year is to reign in my "codependent crazies." namely, get my boundaries into shape, limit my caretaking reactions, release myself from "perfectionism purgatory", dial down my hypervigilance (a heightened awareness for potential threat/danger), and generally learn what it's like to feel healthy for more than a few days at a time.

the first step, as they say, is laying those cards out on the table.

wherein i learn something new...perhaps...

as we speak - more accurately, as i type - i'm roasting a whole chicken. it's only a little over 4 pounds, but it's my first one. it's just this side of terrifying, i must admit. i checked the neck...or what i assume was the neck? was a large cavity...for the oft rumored "bag o' giblets" that notoriously has been accidentally roasted within the bird a billion and one times. i found what i can only presume was the neck bone? ew. and something else that also got tossed, but no bag o' stuff. i'm hoping against hope that the folks who sent this thing to the grocery store just knew that i would be the one purchasing it and therefore took care of this little problem already.

it's a fairly small bird. maybe they didn't have room for it? pardon while i go stare at the nesco intently and will this thing to cook...

ETA: yummmmminess...beautifully roasted, and yes, there was a heart and a liver and something else that i don't really wanna know about in there when i pulled the chicken out of the roaster. luckily, they weren't in any sort of bag or anything...yes, i can be a right dumbass... :) however, the chicken fell off the bones it was so tender, and i made the best gravy. plus clio got a bit of a treat with her dinner tonight in the form of roasted heart/liver...win/win for everybody...

how many topics can i fit in one post???

i currently have 100 links in my reader. oh my holy hell. there was a time not too long ago when that was de rigeur for me, but that time was quite a while ago.

some of the sites i've thrown in there have gotten overwhelming. like lifehacker. there's a new post every 2.5 seconds it seems like. wtf. every time i'm about to pull the trigger on unsubscribing from it, some post from heaven appears in its feed that i would probably not have found immediately otherwise, and i think, but lifehacker totally has its useful times....i shall keep it... and so it goes...

other than codependently wracking my brain about whether or not to keep lifehacker in my feed reader, today has been fairly quiet and serene. j was able to come home early and is grabbing a nap, which is awesome. he posted the most lovely post today, you can find it here. he's very thoughtful and sweet, my honey.



i have been off a day all week. tuesday i kept thinking it was wednesday, although wednesday i was fine, then today i've thought it was friday twice. i'm not sure why the internal clock is off so much. the good part is that tomorrow actually is friday, thank biff...



i'm toying with giving my mom the link out here. she never had the other link - oh, the horror if that had happened...oh mah gah... - and i never mentioned it to her. but a couple of months ago, oddly enough while i was quietly debating blogging again, she mentioned out of the blue, "have you ever thought of starting a blog?" ohhhh mom, if you only knew... this is definitely a different space, and i don't have a problem with her reading out here. it's just old hangups, i suppose...she knows that writing has always been an outlet for me. would be nice if i accomplished something with it, however...





if you haven't heard of or been out to the league of extraordinary wives, you might wanna take a toodle over. it's a lovely (i think) approach to improving relationships. j and i work very hard at our relationship, but most of it is not *work* so much as wanting to make our partner happy and content. we seem to be very much in tune with making sure that we each have what we need in our relationship. not that we're perfect - no one is - but, for example, we don't nag each other, we don't put each other down, we fight clean - on those rare times we fight, that is. i can only count on one hand the times we've argued, and each time it was because one of us was upset about something totally different and just didn't talk about it and we ended up fighting about something stupid instead. we work very very hard at communicating, which i think is essential. anyway, my point is, there is some excellent stuff over there, take a peek.



i think that minou is teething. she's cranky and listless. she's still eating, and is healthy otherwise. poor thing...i pried her little mouth open to peek this afternoon and i see where she's lost a couple of her baby teeth. hell, i'd be cranky too if i had teeth coming in again and pushing my old teeth out. clio could care less about this event, as long as it means the cat is not getting attention.



and i think that's it for now...felt good to purge the brain a bit...happy valentine's day, folks!

links and randomness, 2/12/08

i've got a post brewing that i've been laboring over for days...it was time to get out of my head for a bit, and i stumbled across this little beauty:

sooo would have thought that i was a middle-of-the-nighter, but the description is so very me...well, except for the no worries bit, because anyone who knows me knows that i'm just a giant ball of constant worry...i wish i'd copied the full description, but it mentioned things that were very true for me...

other things distracting me from my current bout of introspection-slash-navel gazing:

• i so want to make this soup very soon...
• speaking of awesome foodstuffs, the pioneer woman defies description....go! read! drool!
• i see a pattern here with food...hmmm...but how awesome would it be to be able to make my own pita bread??? now if i can only find that recipe for homemade yogurt as well as the one for that other thing that sounded awesome....
• more from the motherload...i'm about 50/50 on whether i rinse our ground beef or not. i'll probably do it more often now, this was an interesting read.
• and, to keep all this food in, more bento info! i truly covet the lock & lock lunch sets, featured here, but they are infamously impossible to find in the us and even online, really. i found a couple of online stores, but they don't ship to the us. probably i will just bide my time and wait, but as perfect as it looks like it would be for j, there are things about it that wouldn't work...for example, there is the ubiquitous pb&j that wouldn't fit and would need its own container, or mushing...then there's the fact that i would probably send water or some other good for him drink in the hella cool drink container, but i doubt that he'd be into that...so maybe what i'll do instead is seek out some single lock & lock containers and use them in our adapted system...ha! i said system. like there's some sort of system in use here. i crack me up.... :)
• sandy rocks! ran across her the other day on an organizing website, heaven help me if i remember where now...she is a personal virtual assistant, and will remind you of whatever you need reminding. she can manage your calendar, help you in scheduling meetings and appointments with others, keep lists for you, maintain bookmarks and notes...pretty much anything a real assistant would do...within limits, of course....

happy surfing!

not exactly wine and roses...

but not so terrible as the title might hint, either... :)

the stepford wife has started a weekly series - sweet wine, red roses - and as soon as i read her post, i wanted to contribute something, but i was a bit stumped. i started several posts, but tossed them as being rambling and nowhere near what i wanted to say.

then i remembered something that i wrote for jay for our "first date anniversary" this past december...we haven't technically tied the knot yet, so this is the closest thing we've got to an anniversary, but we both feel as though we're already married. (to each other, of course... *g* )

two years ago, we met for the first time...

we'd had that awful ice storm, and you'd been without power for almost a week. i was running late, a combination of nerves and poor time management, and the restaurant was packed.

we sat at the bar, talking and laughing as we waited for our table. and waited...and waited...and waited...

finally we noticed the bar area was looking pretty sparse, and the bartender asked, "um, did you guys want to order something to eat?"

we had that moment of pure synchronicity as we looked at each other, then her, and you said, "well, we've been waiting for a table, we had a reservation."

the blood rushing from her face was almost comical when she blurted out, "i'll be right back," and scurried off.

i had my suspicions, so i stood and looked over the half wall and - to my horror - spotted a mostly empty restaurant. i glanced back at you and advised, "don't stand up!"

but oh you did - and within a few short minutes we were able to laugh, and a shame-faced assistant manager seated us at a "real" table, just in time to eat before the movie.

i knew then that if we made a go of this thing, we would be able to face the tough stuff together.

and you know what? we have.

i love you, honey. more than i can tell you...

happy first date anniversary!!

intentions

i've had a post rumbling around in my head lately which has been rather distracting and caused me to just not post anything. that's how i usually end up, actually, paralyzed by doubt. but this time around, i blog guilt free...even if this is one of the few places where i manage to check my guilt at the door.

i almost created a new blog for posts of the sort taking up real estate space in my head, because i felt that, well, it probably didn't mesh well with what was already out here. then i thought, ok, well then, probably you need someplace for the recipes then. and then there's the kid stuff...and then i thought, hell, you have no real purpose behind the place anyway, so why bother to create some new url?

i've heard and read a lot lately about knowing the purpose for your blog when you start it, thereby giving you the best results, blah blah blah. so many are trying to become the next dooce. cracks me up, because i had no real intent with this the first time around other than finding my own voice. ended up selling off my original domain for about a billion zillion percent of what i paid for it. my, i had quite a bit of traffic...and traffic as they say is money.

but i never monetized anything, didn't have so much as a single ad. wasn't my purpose then, and isn't my purpose now. although i do have a lonely little adsense ad down there in the corner. *waves at text ad* was just curious since i've heard so much about it all, so figured i'd give it a whirl. i've already warned it not to get comfy down there as it probably won't be sticking around terribly long.

so i guess this is my statement of intent, to myself as much as to anyone who might stumble along here. this small cubit of web space will likely be as chaotic and diverse as i am, and i'm ok with it not being a relationship blog or a food blog or a "mom to furry kids" blog. just like i'm not any one of those things...

ham and mixed bean soup

incredibly easy soup...i didn't start from a recipe, so i don't have a link to share unfortunately, but the good news is that my experiment was yummy!

ingredients:

- 1 C cubed ham
- 1 lb mixed dried beans, soaked overnight
- 3 or 4 medium carrots
- 2 medium onions
- 1 - 2 stalks celery
- 64 oz chicken broth - i actually used 32 oz chicken broth, 32 oz water, and 5 chicken bouillon cubes
- 1 T cornstarch mixed with 1/3 C cold water, optional
- 1 T butter

to start, i got the butter melting on medium heat in the bottom of a stock pot and dumped in the cubed ham while i chopped the carrots, celery, and onions. as i chopped each, into the pot they went. did a semi-saute for a bit, and when the onions were mostly translucent, i put in the chicken broth. i held off on the rest of the water and the bouillon until after i'd put the pre-soaked beans in the pot. wanted to make sure the ratio of "stuff" to liquids worked out well...

simmered everything on low all day, then put a little cornstarch in at the end to thicken a smidge before inhaling two bowls of it...very yummy, very filling, and we've got plenty of leftovers, half of which i froze. i'd love to hear if you try it!

friday's feast

for some reason, i never really did these on any of my other blogs, but today feels like a good day for a feast...

Feast One Hundred & Seventy Eight

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of cereal?

would have to be bite-sized mini-wheats...so yummy...

Soup
When was the last time you purchased something for your home, what was it, and in which room did it go?

argh...something for my home...hmmm...probably the last thing we bought for our home was a new mattress and bed last summer. there was a sale at a local furniture shop, and we needed a new mattress desperately. it's a beautiful oak sleigh bed, and i splurged on a new bedding set as well. *le sigh*

Salad
What is the funniest commercial you’ve ever seen?

tough one...there are too many really funny commercials, and i've got a mind like a steel sieve...everything just slides right through lately. i'd have to go with the world of warcraft commercial with william shatner...i love me some william shatner, and the commercial is just priceless.

Main Course
Make up a name for a company by using a spice and an animal (example: Cinnamon Monkey).

lemon pepper walrus

um, ew.

Dessert
Fill in the blank: I haven’t ______ since ______.

i haven't knitted since right before christmas. damn scarf is never gonna get finished...

you can play friday's feast here: